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The rock and roll anthem about a hero with an inconvenient superpower


On a warm summer Sunday a man named Tim Milson inadvertently stole a bushel full of rhubarb from a Wiccan priestess at a farmers market.

The Wiccan priestess invoked Gaea, the Mother Earth, forever binding Tim’s feet to the ground.

Lost and confused, Tim did what any other person who had been cursed with an outrageous affliction would do.

He vowed to rid the world of all wrongdoing and became the superhero juggernaut known as the Landman.

He’s the Landman! Oooh yeah!

We'll ya heard of the Spacemen all up in space
Or of Superman flying all over the place
Well here’s a superhero who’s a real man
He doesn’t fly or swim he just walks around on land

He’s the Landman! And he's totally hot,
He’s coming for you bad guys with all he’s got
He’s the Landman! And he’s totally cool,
He’s telling all the kiddies to stay in school.

Well the Bad Guys scatter when he shuffles around
Because his feet never even need to leave the ground
In fact they can’t.


That’s part of his curse.
So you’ll forgive him if he talks to you a little terse.

He’s the Landman! He won’t accept defeat
Even though he can never lift up his feet
He’s the Landman! And he’s stuck on land
If you’re drowning in the ocean, don’t ask for a hand

‘Cause Landman can only walk around on earth.
Don’t ask him to float or jump or surf
If you’re in trouble upstairs you’re probably SOL,
Unless there’s a ramp to where you are, then Landman will fight like hell!

Land Dance!

Everybody shuffle left
Everybody shuffle right
Everybody shuffle front
Everybody shuffle back
Now shuffle around, shuffle around
Keep your feet on the ground and shuffle around
And do that Landman h'yah

He’s the Landman! His tale is almost complete
Now everybody rock it to the awesome beat
Of the Landman! He’s unstoppable
Unless you travel anywhere other than on land.


from Arm the Whales, released July 15, 2014
Vocals: Geoff Crump and Nat Topping
Guitar: Nat Topping
Every other instrument: Matt Griffo



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Crassus Chicago, Illinois

The Chicago sketch comedy power duo of Geoff Crump and Nat Topping. We do songs; we do sketches; we make funny noises and faces.

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