VERSE 1:
I met a girl (He met a girl) on Wolverine Mountain (on Wolverine Mountain)
She was as pretty (as pretty as pretty) as a girl can be (as a girl could be be)
She had this smile (she had this smile) and she had these eyeballs (she had two eyes)
With purty ears (if you’re into ears) and a set of teeth (pearly white teeth)
But I could not woo her (oh no no no) on Wolverine Mountain (on Wolverine Mountain)
It was as shameful (a real dern shame) as a shame could be. (shame shame shame shame)
I could not woo her (oh no no no) on Wolverine Mountain (on Wolverine Mountain)
Cause it was infested (yes it was) with Wolverines (vicious wolverines)

CHORUS:
And every time I would get near her
Them Wolverines would bite and claw
And as much as I loved that woman
I had to keep (he had to keep)
Moving on (moving on)

VERSE 2:
I met a girl (another girl) on Grizzly Bear Mountain (on Grizzly Bear Mountain)
She was a woman (Hooray for women!), she looked alright (six out of ten)
She had a face (real feminine face) and she had a torso (right below her face)
With a couple of limbs (three whole limbs), she seemed pretty bright (moonshine bright)
But I could not woo her (oh no no no) on Grizzly Bear Mountain (on Grizzly Bear Mountain)
If you go to the mountain, (don’t go to the mountain) y'all better beware (it’s scary up there)
I could not woo her (no no no no) on Grizzly Bear Mountain (on Grizzly Bear Mountain)
'Cause it was chock-full (up to the gills) of Grizzly Bears (overflowing with bears)

CHORUS:
See every time I would get near her
Them Grizzly Bears would bite and claw
And as much as I loved that woman
I had to keep (he had to keep)
Moving on. (moving on)

(spoken, as a bridge)

BACKUP SINGER
Say you ever think about wooing a woman that didn’t live up on a mountain?

LEAD SINGER
Nope.

BACKUP SINGER
Well, how 'bout a mountain that isn't full of vicious predatory mammals?

LEAD SINGER
Well, there was this one time....

VERSE 3:
I met a girl (here we go again) up on Dove Mountain (pretty Dove Mountain)
She was a female, (as far as he knew) just like I like (he’ll take anything)
She had some skin (some really dry skin) and she had a pulse (keeping standards low)
I think she spoke English (parla ingles) I think she liked to hike (I think she ate raw cat)
But I couldn’t woo her (oh no no no) up on Dove Mountain (up on Dove Mountain)
Because them doves (those pretty white doves) shot fire from their eyes. (oh God oh God)
Those doves had tempers (drunk Irish tempers) up on Dove Mountain (spikes on their wings)
They'd kill a feller (peck peck stab burn) until he dies (dies from death).

CHORUS 4:
Every time I would get near her
Them psycho doves would spit acid at me
And as much as I loved that female
I had to let (he had to let)
I had to let (he had to let)
That female be.