Touching Dicks

by Crassus

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about

The second single from Chicago sketch comedy duo Crassus, in which Nat and Geoff share a generations-long tradition for resolving conflicts.

The single is yours to enjoy for $.50 (or more, if you're feeling generous! Did we mention we love you?), and the money will go directly to help feed our destructive Comedy-making habit!

lyrics

NAT
There’s this thing that they do in the town that I’m from and we call it touching dicks.
It’s a way that men of honor from our town use to settle their differences
It’s a tradition passed down from father to son and it’s lasted for generations
The tradition: the tradition of touching dicks.

GEOFF
There’s this thing that they do in the town where I’m from and they call it touching dicks.
First you take your dick then your enemy’s dick and you touch the tips together
And the first to lose his erection or the first to break eye contact
Has failed: has failed at touching dicks.

NAT
There’s this thing that they do in the town where I'm from and we call it touching dicks.
Some people might say it’s gay...

GEOFF
...it’s not!

NAT
...in fact it’s fiercely hetero!

GEOFF
It’s a matter of patience and dominance, it’s a test of strength and will.

GEOFF AND NAT
The will: The will of touching dicks!

NAT
But we rue the day that Viagra came and destroyed our little town.
For the matches would last for hours and days and nobody would back down
And the women left home and the men, all alone, would softly hear the sound
Of crying. Of their own crying.

GEOFF
There’s this thing that they do in the town where I’m from and we call it touching dicks.
Now every last man stands face to face in the town square locked in battle.

NAT
But there are no winners anymore. There are only those who lose
When they die:

GEOFF AND NAT
...When they die while touching dicks.

credits

released March 6, 2013
Vocals - Geoff Crump
Guitar, Vocals - Nat Topping

Vibraslap, Keyboard, Backing Vocals - Matt Griffo
Female Backing Vocals - Anna Schlegel
Cello - Desiree Miller

Recorded, Mixed, Mastered by Matt Griffo

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about

Crassus Chicago, Illinois

The Chicago sketch comedy power duo of Geoff Crump and Nat Topping. We do songs; we do sketches; we make funny noises and faces.

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